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THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE AMERICAN TERM FRIEND AND THE RUSSIAN TERM DROOG
The Russian word for friend is ‘droog.’ However, there are significant
cultural differences between Americans and Russians as to what that
word really means.
To quote Lynn Visson's "Wedded Strangers" :
“The intensity of Russian relationships surprises Americans. Russians
share everything with their closest friends. They share each other’s
sorrow. They commiserate and help each other. A male friend is a
brother, a drinking companion, a soul mate, and a bulwark against the
outside world.”
“To a Russian woman, a girlfriend is a confidante with whom she shares
things she may not share with her husband or mother. The women see each
other as comrades in arms against weak men and a hostile world. Russian emigres are even closer because they have their own problems and
difficulties in coping with life in their new country.”
“In Russia, friends were there to help you when the system got in the
way, to help you get a job, to fix your car, or lend you money. Few
Americans have the time or patience for relationships requiring such
commitment and loyalty. These relationships are very demanding.”
“To Americans, these types of relationships are smothering. Russian
friendship is more similar to a type of war camaraderie than the social
relationships that Americans have because for Russians life has been
somewhat of a war.”
“Friends were trusted implicitly during the Soviet era because an
improper remark could wind you up in a Gulag. A friend was someone who
could be trusted absolutely and would never betray a confidence.”
As an aside, one Russian acquaintance of mine told me that her
grandfather spent ten years in prison for telling an amusing anecdote
about Stalin. Another Russian woman told me that her grandfather was
shot during the Stalin years.
Lynn continues:
“The closeness and caring nature of Russian friendships can be very
appealing after the me-first attitude of many Americans. Americans are
used to moving frequently, making new friends. They live in the present
and future. Russians associate everything with the past.”
“Americans use the word ‘friend’ to describe everyone from someone they
see frequently at the fitness center to a co-worker they chat with at
the water cooler.”
A Russian has three different terms for friends that proceed out in
concentric rings. They would refer to those types of friends described
above as acquaintances, the outer concentric ring. The closest
concentric ring would be their closest friend, or ‘droog,’ in the
Russian language.
Russians take their relationships very seriously -- much more seriously
than Americans. When you get involved with a Russian woman, her friends
and her family will be an ever-present part of your life.
by John Kunkle
John has been married to a Russian women for over five years. He has travelled the path from finding her, to traveling to Russia, to bring his wife to America, and adjusting to married life. He will show you step by step how to do this yourself.
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